we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
