when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
