Your mouth is God's brothel.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just cut my nipple shaving
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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