hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
