i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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