I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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