you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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