I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
