Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
