I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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