Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
