I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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