I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
