So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry about my life...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
