so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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