i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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