Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
