Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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