fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you made out with another girl for some wings
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
