its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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