Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They left me at home... I'm a liability
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
