I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
