I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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