I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
