Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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