i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
