He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry about my life...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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