Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
