the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
