the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
