i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
