I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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