here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
