hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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