listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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