Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
