i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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