Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
