he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
