Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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