The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize