I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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