Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize