"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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