i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
