I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
