shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
