matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
