I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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