I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
