Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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