I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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