i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
