so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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