Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
