I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
