In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
