I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
did i walk over a car last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
