I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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