Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
