Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just google imaged poop.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
