he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
