you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize