You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
