shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
