i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
