Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
