I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
