I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
