literally had 100 drinks last night.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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