I skipped work to stalk him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
