my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
