I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
