SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
