i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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