haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
