Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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