I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
