Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
