Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
